As She Goes
by Sombereyes
Summary: Rei's love for Usagi wasn't spoken outwardly, but it didn't need to be. It was stronger, more profound than that...even when it went on ignored by the both of them. Maybe, if one of them had said something, things would have been different. (Rei introspective)


A/N: Still on that one-shot spree of old content that never saw thee light of day. I wrote this several years ago…short, but fitting.

 **As She Goes**

There were things I always wanted to say, but, they felt pointless in the grand scheme. Silly, I know, but true for me. It wasn't that I couldn't…she would have listened…that I know without a doubt. It was something else that kept me silent. My faith, but moreover, my duty. I had a clear path, and loathe thought I am to admit that, I was hesitant to deviate from it.

Being useful needs to come first, worthlessness, well, all that does is burden others. I didn't want to be the weak link.

I could have laid down all of my deepest feelings upon her, asked her to carry them, to lift the weight of burden from my shoulders. I'm sure, she would have. That's just the kind of woman she is, and in spite of that, or maybe because of that, I've felt that I'll never be at liberty to speak.

I'm supposed to be protecting her, from everything, even if that means sheltering her from myself.

Even so, the future is an alarming thing to think about. I won't deny that it keeps me awake at night. It always has. There's something about foresight that's haunting. It lingers, even after the vision is over. When the images aren't bad ones, they write a destiny that might play out. I'm forced to watch it.

Because of that, sometimes I don't sleep well…but, I didn't sleep well as a teenager, either.

I won't pretend that I don't want to go back to our slumber parties. That I don't want to see her peaceful face one last time…knowing that she's as free from burden, as she is bound by it. More than once, I almost reached out to brush away the bangs from her closed eyes. I regret not doing that, my inaction my own sin to bear.

Last night, I missed my final chance.

She stayed over, and I could have spoken up. I didn't, I kept quiet. I halfheartedly wanted her to wake up, spend the night with me in way that none of the other girls would really understand. If only she would have woken up, then maybe, I would have tempted fate.

I'd might have taken Usagi to the woods behind the shrine. We might have walked hand-in-hand. If we did that, then I would have told her everything.

I'd say those words that matter most.

If only I'd done that…then maybe, we'd write a different future. Even so, I don't think it would be the same…and I'm not fit to be anything more than what I am. It's all I've ever wanted to be, and my silence is the price of that. Maybe I'm just greedy, but, I know I could never have her to myself.

I couldn't just lock her up and throw away the key…so, because of that, the only thing I can do is make a vow to bind myself to her…entirely to her and her future. The embodiment of everything I've ever taken faith in, the keeper of the future I know to come. I don't mind standing behind her, instead of beside her…

It isn't so terrible, not usually…and certainly not today as I see her standing before me now in a white dress. Her wedding day should be so much more than this, but, that's because I know the truth. She's a queen, and the very ground upon which she stands should be considered holy.

There were times, many times in fact, that I wanted reach out and comfort her. Times when I didn't have to share the blue eyed gleam with anyone else. Her fears were my fears…and her sorrow was mine to cradle gently as she cried over the man she's about to marry. I see the anxiety in her eyes now, just as I've seen it several times before. Hope laced with fear, love laced with uncertainty, resolve mixed with compassion.

So many things that wordlessly overtake her. She looks at me, looking for the same approval she's always tried to find. It's completely idiotic really, but, I need that gaze aimed at me…I need to know I matter, at least this much.

Today is her wedding day, and I am going to watch her as another chapter closes, and a new one begins. I swallow hard, nod my head, and offer the best smile I can. For her sake, not mine, I lean in touching my forehead to hers. It's the nearest thing I've ever given her to a proper kiss. The only way I feel safe expressing the feelings that will never be fully spoken.

"You look beautiful."

I say it with all of truth in this world, because she has never before looked so stunning. As I guide her to stand, I steady my breath, readying myself for what I know to be one of the biggest days in all of our lives. As she walks by me, I realize something so profound that it works a ball of emotion into my throat.

I will never love another, like I love her.


End file.
